The Revolution Will Not Be Merchandised

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The Revolution Will Not Be Merchandised

Post  General Freedom on Sun Nov 04, 2018 8:09 pm

The scene opens in the all too familiar confines of Adam Harvey's office. Adam is in the middle of some degree of paperwork when General Freedom bursts through the door, looking entirely ready to wrestle except for the fact that he's clutching a single teacup to his chest, the Annihilation Championship draped casually over his right shoulder. He marches to the desk and plops the teacup down on it with authority.
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Adam Harvey: "Let me guess: you're here to complain."
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General Freedom: "Hey, dude. You're not wrong, but this is a valid grievance, I assure you."
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Adam puts his thumb and forefinger to the bridge of his nose and seems to be trying to massage away a headache, ultimately giving up and speaking.
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Adam Harvey: "Okay, what is it this time?"
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The General points accusingly at the teacup.
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Adam Harvey: "Is this you trying to say that teaming with King tonight isn't your cup of tea?"
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General Freedom: "No, no. That's fine. My damage is with this teacup itself."
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The cameraman zooms in on the teacup, on which Freedom's masked visage is printed above the phrase "Say you want a herb infusion!"
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General Freedom: "That's my face, right?"
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Adam Harvey: "Right."
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General Freedom: "And beneath it?"
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General Freedom glares at Adam Harvey.
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Adam Harvey: "It's a clever reference to tea. What's your point?"
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General Freedom: "That's definitely not something I've ever said. In fact, I suspect that it's something nobody has ever said. I imagine that when this was being pitched the marketing people kept writing that phrase down on a slip of paper and passing it around silently so that nobody would have to say it."
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Adam Harvey: "Well, it did really well in certain focus groups, so it went to market. You've already made more money off it than some families see in a year. Can't you just be happy with that?"
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Freedom grimaces.
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General Freedom: "How does this thing tie into my message? Like, even a little bit?"
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Adam visibly and obviously fights back the urge to slam his head into his desk before proceeding.
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Adam Harvey: "It sounds kind of like that one catch phrase you use, I guess. I don't know. I assure you that I have bigger things to worry about than individual pieces of merchandise being sold. I have the brand of an entire promotion to consider. I can't get bogged down in the details of each individual component that goes into that. I have people who do that for me, and I would suggest that the next time you want to bust into an office and complain you either, you know, don't do that or at least find a different office."
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The General is visibly upset, and responds in a heated voice.
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General Freedom: "So what am I, in this bigger picture you're trying to paint?"
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Harvey shrugs elaborately.
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General Freedom: "I've wrestled for a lot of people for a lot of reasons over a lot of time, but I've never done so to become a happy little cog in a machine. If anything, I've done my best to avoid becoming such a thing because I owe it to myself, my fans, and our movement."
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Adam Harvey: "Look, don't get me wrong. I get that you're trying to do your thing here, but I think you're going to have to accept that CiR and its fans aren't necessarily all about doing the same thing as you are. Not everyone is trying to, I don't know, throw bricks through Starbucks windows and set the world on fire. Most people aren't. We're just trying to do the best we can with what we're given. Now, does that make sense?"
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Freedom sighs and picks up the teacup from the desk.
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General Freedom: "To some extent, yeah. Look, man, I'm not beyond being able to understand your motivations. I just kind of have to wonder if you recognize mine."
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Adam Harvey: "I recognize that you're motivated, at least in part, by the money that comes from merchandise like that teacup that you're complaining about. Maybe it's not your ideal way to earn a buck, but the fact is that I don't tell you how to run your underground army or whatever and I'd appreciate it if you would stop trying to tell me how to run this business."
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General Freedom turns, dejectedly, to walk away.
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Adam Harvey: "It's nothing personal, General. It's just business."
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The cameraman follows General Freedom out of the office. He shuts the door behind him, then chucks the teacup at a wall where it shatters before we fade out.
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General Freedom

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